I'm not at work today. I'm not picking up Pau's fantastic wrappingness, I'm not serving customers, I'm not filling box cards.
I can't.
And my parents, and Janice, don't believe this is real. I know it's frustrating to have calls coming about me saying I can't work, usually with less than 24h notice. Or even 1h notice. But this is the face of my illness. This is the compromise you make by hiring me, someone who is dedicated even with a job I hate, who will keep on answering, "Are you charging Canadian or American prices?" without swearing at customers, who will spend her break working because there's only one girl on the floor and it's busy.
I know, I know I shouldn't say this, but I wish this had been an illness that people could see, or measure. Something that didn't come with stigma attached.
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Anti-Depressant Side Effects
Saturday, October 20, 2007 | By Aeriena Eve
Most of you know, (since pretty much only five people read this blog) that I'm switching meds right now. I've been on citalopram, escitalopram, and now I'm going on sertraline. (I'm using the umm...confusing names, because the name a medication is marketed under differs by countries. For example, escitalopram is Cipralex in Canada, and Lexapro in the US.) Whenever I was switching from other meds I'd get like...dry mouth. And since last November I've been really, really sleepy. But now! Now! My God! I slept 26 hours on Monday. My legs feel shaky...I'm afraid to go into stores again...still having panic attacks a lot...everything is TOO LOUD...and I'm so goddamn sad.
And my parents don't realize that... they still think I'm just sleeping through the day because I'm lazy or stayed up too late at night. I missed a lot of school this week, and believe me, I'd RATHER be at school! I guess because all the other times I switched meds, they were involved with that. When I started on the citalopram, they even came up to the clinic. With the escitalopram I had to go to the other clinic, and the rescheduled my appointment once so they knew about that...but this time, I went to...nevermind. I went to my doctor, then my family doctor, then the lab for blood tests and an ECG, then back to my doctor, then to the pharmacy where my mom got mad because it took so long to fill the prescription. Yea, and that's totally my fault.
And my parents don't realize that... they still think I'm just sleeping through the day because I'm lazy or stayed up too late at night. I missed a lot of school this week, and believe me, I'd RATHER be at school! I guess because all the other times I switched meds, they were involved with that. When I started on the citalopram, they even came up to the clinic. With the escitalopram I had to go to the other clinic, and the rescheduled my appointment once so they knew about that...but this time, I went to...nevermind. I went to my doctor, then my family doctor, then the lab for blood tests and an ECG, then back to my doctor, then to the pharmacy where my mom got mad because it took so long to fill the prescription. Yea, and that's totally my fault.
Inside a Panic Attack
Thursday, September 20, 2007 | By Aeriena Eve
But I want you guys to know and recognize the signs of a panic attack, and start to get a feel for what it's like.
OKAY! The number one thing not listed? PANIC! I also get frustrated. You may not feel there is a reason for you to be panicking, but you are. Too late! Sometimes it can appear out of nowhere. I've had panic attacks after sitting quietly, focused on my units. I`ll be write-write-writing and then suddenly there it is! Or maybe you can find a reason. Either way, you`re having a panic attack. Knowing what can trigger them is important, because then you can try to prevent them. (Note: not by avoiding your trigger, but by slowly practicing until it doesn't have as much of an effect on you.)
BREATHE DEEPLY AND SLOWLY. This can be so, so difficult when you're already hyperventilating. I tried this time, but it didn't work out for me. Another technique is to focus on an object and describe it in detail to yourself. They're both hard things to do, but they work when you can do it. If you're with someone having a panic attack, walk them through these exercises gently and slowly.
The Aftermath. I usually feel really tired after a panic attack, and just a little bit stupid and embarrassed. Although if it happens in a public place, like on the bus or at school I'll try my best to move on. I don't know if that's the best thing to do or not, but that's what I know for now.
- Hyperventilating (quick, short breaths)
- Tingling in the mouth, hands, and toes. (as a result of hyperventilation.)
- Dizzyness (again, as a result of hyperventilation)
- Heart palpitations (heart beating fast)
- Sweating
- Choking (not actually choking, but gagging on something and getting the feeling you're choking)
- Shaking or trembling
- Crying
- Smothering or shortness of breath sensations
- Chest pain or discomfort (this especially can make it feel like a heart attack)
- Nausea, bloating, or abdominal discomfort
- Disrealisation (feeling unreal or dreamy)
- Depersonalization (feeling outside of yourself or like you don't exist)
- Fear of losing control of going crazy
- Skin losing colour
- Hot/cold flashes (like menopause!)
- REALLY REALLY needing to pee or poo
OKAY! The number one thing not listed? PANIC! I also get frustrated. You may not feel there is a reason for you to be panicking, but you are. Too late! Sometimes it can appear out of nowhere. I've had panic attacks after sitting quietly, focused on my units. I`ll be write-write-writing and then suddenly there it is! Or maybe you can find a reason. Either way, you`re having a panic attack. Knowing what can trigger them is important, because then you can try to prevent them. (Note: not by avoiding your trigger, but by slowly practicing until it doesn't have as much of an effect on you.)
BREATHE DEEPLY AND SLOWLY. This can be so, so difficult when you're already hyperventilating. I tried this time, but it didn't work out for me. Another technique is to focus on an object and describe it in detail to yourself. They're both hard things to do, but they work when you can do it. If you're with someone having a panic attack, walk them through these exercises gently and slowly.
The Aftermath. I usually feel really tired after a panic attack, and just a little bit stupid and embarrassed. Although if it happens in a public place, like on the bus or at school I'll try my best to move on. I don't know if that's the best thing to do or not, but that's what I know for now.
HPV Vaccine and Catholicism
Tuesday, September 18, 2007 | By Aeriena Eve
Looks like several of the Catholic school boards are going to take a vote on allowing public health to go into the schools and provide Grade 8 girls with the HPV vaccine.
HPV is human papilloma virus. It can lead to cervical cancer.
"At the centre of the debate is the Conference of Catholic Bishops, which said in a statement that since HPV occurs only through sex, which is appropriate only through marriage, in theory the young girls would have no need for the vaccinations, though there is no issue with the vaccine itself." -City News
I see where they are coming from. (Don't I always?) But that's very ideal thinking. Come on, I go to Catholic school, and Catholic doctrine can be a fairly small reason for girls to resist becoming sexually active. So ideally, yes, grade 8 girls in Catholic schools would not be sexually active until they are married. However, we don't live in a perfect world. I think these girls should get the vaccine in school, because let's face it- how many girls will really go to a public clinic to get the vaccine? It's hard talking about sexual health, and I'd imagine that would be a major factor in how many girls will go out and get it themselves.
HPV is human papilloma virus. It can lead to cervical cancer.
"At the centre of the debate is the Conference of Catholic Bishops, which said in a statement that since HPV occurs only through sex, which is appropriate only through marriage, in theory the young girls would have no need for the vaccinations, though there is no issue with the vaccine itself." -City News
I see where they are coming from. (Don't I always?) But that's very ideal thinking. Come on, I go to Catholic school, and Catholic doctrine can be a fairly small reason for girls to resist becoming sexually active. So ideally, yes, grade 8 girls in Catholic schools would not be sexually active until they are married. However, we don't live in a perfect world. I think these girls should get the vaccine in school, because let's face it- how many girls will really go to a public clinic to get the vaccine? It's hard talking about sexual health, and I'd imagine that would be a major factor in how many girls will go out and get it themselves.